With My Compliments
This week my goal was simple. I wanted to compliment 5 strangers. Now I’ll be honest, in most of my life I have been the outgoing one, the one making sure no one was overlooked or left out, so it’s not a huge stretch for me to accomplish this goal.
When I was in a work environment, whether there were problems, issues of contention, internal disagreements we were working on or not, at the very least, I felt like I was a part of something. There was a mutual desire to grow in knowing the people around me, I was always working to build new relationships, and connecting the relational dots in my world. Moving across the country and starting from scratch in my 60’s has been a lot harder than I imagined. Looking for a job in the current job search climate can be humiliating. It can knock you off center real quick. Besides the financial strain, the vocational ghosting, looming tax deadlines, and increasingly higher costs of living, there is one word that causes me to feel more pressure than any other. Rejection.
Even the most benign brush off feels personal. You tell yourself it’s not personal but it acutely feels so. Hearing, “we went in another direction”, or sentiments that expressed thanks but no thanks, or worse, complete silence - can really throw you off kilter. How does one keep putting themselves out there, day after day, week after week? Why do we place such a value on expressions of reassurance, or value, or gratitude? Why do we really need it so much?
Our modern society is built to provide avenues of connection and validation through social media platforms, and we are trained to chase that feeling of belonging and connection but those feelings are shallow and they just don’t last. That is what keeps us hunting for more. Old acquaintances demand too much positivity so that they aren’t spooked by the state of my life. Reading demands too much slow focus. Life can feel very chaotic, yet unfulfilling and pointless when you are in this stage. Hope often feels ridiculous. It’s important to realize that when I can’t have that need met by an external source, I have to find a way to meet it internally. And for me, that always requires some kind of action. It has become an intentional choice - a matter of what I see. Where I look. What I give power to hold my attention.
So I return to my very real and tangible goal. Complement 5 strangers. I started with the most obvious, strangers I meet in the grocery store, people I pass in the parking lot and of course, job interviews. I’m not so sure this is useful in interview strategy, but at this point, getting a job feels as fleeting as not trying at all, so at the conclusion of job interviews this week, I just decided to go for it. In one interview with a team of 3 individuals I simply expressed what I witnessed. They were obviously a close knit team who had worked together for years, so I remarked on how special that was and threw in some personal observations about their company. and what an impact they make on their community. Then in another interview for a non profit, I took a moment to compliment the 2 interviewers on their dedication to the mission and the way they show such care for the community that has overcome so much since the hurricane.
I have a trained eye for these details and I think when I pointed them out, it was surprising to them. The people were genuinely grateful for the thoughtfulness and curiosity expressed in my comments. It is too soon to tell what the outcome of these interactions will be, but this one thing I do know. My kindness affected them. My sincere interest buoyed their spirits and made them proud of their own contributions in their work. I wish I could simply close by saying that that is enough for me. But hey, I’m looking for a job here.
I guess the point of what I learned this week is - if hope feels personally far away, it’s best not to climb into a hole. Climb out. Look around. Build connections even if there seems to be nothing given in return. Make the world brighter. Pay it forward. If I can do it in an adverse scenario like during a job hunt, I can do it anywhere and my life will ultimately be richer for it. And that has to be enough for now.
